just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
