I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
