You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
