I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
