she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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