I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
