Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
