this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
