Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
