Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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