my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
