Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
