I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
