why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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