Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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