I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize