I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
