You're so nebulous sometimes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would fuck him just for his dog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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