another moral hangover. fuck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
