he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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