Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
