The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
