So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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