Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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