dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
