the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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