And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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