I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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