i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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