THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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