Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
