it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
