So drunk its hurt
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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