I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
