So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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