we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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