I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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