im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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