Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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