She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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