The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's official drugs can't kill me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
