mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
