why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
