would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
