The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
