if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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