remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
