WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
