i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
