U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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