You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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