you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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