After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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