escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
