Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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