i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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