I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
