Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
