Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
