She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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