Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
