I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
