I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
