he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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