My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
