cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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