this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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