sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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