If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
