You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
