ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
