fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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