u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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