Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
