Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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