Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
