He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
