thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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