I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then he tried to convert me to islam
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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