I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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