john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
