im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
